Ruby Prinsen

I wanted to take a moment to define a few terms in the kink community. The kink community (like other communities), has a culture and language around it that evolves and shapes over time. While there might be some disagreement over the terms I use, I hope to remain at the very least consistent when I talk about it.

Kink is another term for BDSM. BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage, Domination, Discipline, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. BDSM players are usually categorized into roles based on specific activities, such as:

• sadists and masochists (giving and receiving pain)
• dominants and submissives (power exchange)
• tops and bottoms (positions)
• masters and slaves
• riggers and rope bunnies (bondage)

While each role signifies a different dynamic, ‘Dom’ or ‘sub’ are often umbrella terms for who takes power and responsibility and who gives it.

BDSM and kink are generally used interchangeably, but many have moved towards kink instead, as there are roles that do not fit neatly within the acronym, such as petplay. In addition, the term ‘sadomasochism’ has a long history of pathologization.

A negotiated encounter is called a scene, which may or may not include sexual activity, and can be public or private. This might range from demonstrating a flogging technique in a workshop for an audience, to having sex with someone privately within pre-defined roles.

Scenes can take place in dungeons, which are designated areas to play, and often supply furniture and dungeon monitor to make sure people are playing safely and consensually.

Negotiations often include limits, general mood of the scene, safewords, and aftercare. Safewords are ways of communicating consent during a scene, often by using the stoplight system (green is ‘yes’, yellow is ‘pause’, and red is ‘stop’).

Aftercare happens after a scene to bring the players down gently, such as talking, cuddling, or having a snack. This can be used to avoid dropping as there is often a rush of adrenaline and endorphins during a scene (subspace) that can crash later on. 

Many of these terms are associated with a performance. In a scene, kinksters are playing with someone, and may designate them as a play partner for that moment or within a relationship dynamic.